Photo on 2010-11-30 at 22.53

Photo on 2010-11-30 at 22.53
Originally uploaded by chubbyzack

Perhaps it's merely the way I'm sitting but I know I'm getting bigger and this fills me with holiday joy.

Why I'm a Gainer

I read this comment that StupidGit made to a post by JordoGordo89 about why he is a gainer and his response is almost identical to mine.

"I can't speak for everyone, because obviously everyone has their own reasons, but I like fat men. I'm attracted to them. I'm gaining because I want to be what I consider attractive. I'm less turned on by the act of gaining weight and more by the actual weight itself."

Very nicely put, StupidGit.

Baggy Clothing

I like to wear baggy clothing. I'm currently wearing an oversized sweatshirt from Old Navy as well as a baggy pair of cargo pants. In the summer I persist in wearing baggy pants despite the heat and humidity because I feel uncomfortable in shorts. I also wear baggy tshirts in hot weather. This was especially true as I slowly, unintentionally began to gain weight last summer. Now that I'm purposefully gaining I wish to continue wearing baggy clothes, but my fat will be harder to conceal. A part of me is excited about the prospect of showing off my chubbiness, but there's another part of me that wants to hide it. Most of the gainers I've encountered online have no qualms about wearing tight shirts that display their paunch, but I'm not at that point yet and I feel as though there's something wrong with me because of it. Am I ashamed of my fat? Not exactly, but it is a new and scary transition I am embarking on. I'm especially afraid of how those closest to me will respond to my growing body. My good friend Scott is quite outspoken in his contempt for obese people. I ultimately could give a flying fuck what he thinks about my gaining, but it does fester in the back of my head. I think the bottomline is that I'm insecure about my body and being accepted by my peers.

On a joyous note, I'm continuing to gain at a rapid pace. I weighed myself this morning and the scale read 198 pounds. Could I actually be two pounds away from my goal of 200 by Christmas?! It seems too good to be true and it probably is. I'm sure my scale is acting wonky again, but I will check it again tomorrow morning.

194.4 LBS

194.4 LBS
Originally uploaded by chubbyzack

I've officially gained 1.4 pounds since beginning my quest to weigh 260 lbs. on November 18, 2010.

Post-Thanksgiving Check-In

Hi guys, sorry I haven't updated my blog in several days. On Wednesday morning I drove from my home in Massachusetts to Syracuse, New York to spend Thanksgiving with my family. My parents don't have the Internet and I don't have a good connection to my AT&T network on my iPhone there either. I refer to that house as the place where technology goes to die.

So I'm writing this at Panera Bread in Syracuse. I'm in my car in Panera's parking lot because every table is occupied, but at least I can stretch my seat back and use their free WiFi. Just because I'm using it from my car doesn't mean I'm stealing it because I ordered a tomato soup, a piece of French bread, and a chocolate chip cookie which I'll be eating before I go to bed tonight.

Yesterday I bought two Ghirardelli white chocolate peppermint bars at Target. I wasn't a good gainer and offered to share one of the bars with my family last night while we played dominoes, but I'm naturally generous and I wanted to offer them a taste of the deliciousness of Ghirardelli chocolate. The other one I plan on bringing back to Massachusetts where I'll most likely eat it before I go to sleep. I'm trying to eat fattening foods before bedtime because I know that it will help me gain weight. Also at Target I bought a 10-pack of full-size chocolate bars, such as Milky Way, Snickers, and Twix.

I'm realizing the financial impact that gaining is having on me. It sucks because I need to save for an apartment when I finally move out next year sometime. Ultimately an apartment is more important and if I don't gain as fast as I'd like it's okay so long as I get more independence.

I haven't weighed myself since Wednesday morning but the scale hadn't changed too dramatically. I'm hoping to have gained at least a pound by Sunday night, which is when I'll next check it.

On Thanksgiving I ate a ton, but not as much as I should have. I ate one helping of every item on the "menu" and a large portion of the greasy turkey skin, which for the first time ever didn't cause me guilt upon consuming it. I ate two helpings of pumpkin pie topped with Cool Whip (my Mom never makes whipped cream from scratch).

After Thanksgiving dinner I exchanged presents with my brother and sister-in-law. I got my brother an Apple wireless keyboard for his iPad and a book about parenting. I gave my sister-in-law the DVD "New Moon" (she's a Twilight fan) and a book about digital photography. They gave me a colander and a spaghetti scooper (a thoughtful gift because they know I love pasta and I need appliances for my future apartment), a $15 iTunes gift card, and the DVD "Disney's A Christmas Carol," which we watched later that day. The reason we exchanged gifts on Thanksgiving was because they won't be in Syracuse on Christmas and when they do get back in town will be after I've returned to Massachusetts. I'll still be exchanging gifts with my parents on Christmas.

Other ways I've passed the time without the Internet is by reading more of book seven of Harry Potter (I'm on chapter 31 "The Battle of Hogwarts") and I watched an episode of "Mad Men" on my computer. It's a really great show and I find Peter Campbell (played by Vincent Kartheiser) really cute. He's slightly chubby in season one and I can only hope he gets even chubbier as the seasons progress.

Well, that's all for now. I feel awkward writing a blog from my car. Until next time...

Moobs

I just took this picture and I'm typing this entry cross-legged on my MacBook. I put my shirt back on because it's chilly in my bedroom without it, but I felt like showing off my flab and quickly developing moobs. In my hand is a jelly donut from Dunkin' Donuts. It's the first of two that I will devour before going to Dreamland. I'm realizing that the best time to snack is after dinner, especially when the other two are in bed. I watched an episode of "In Treatment" while eating vanilla pudding and then I ate 10 Christmas cookies and I drank the rest of the half-gallon jug of whole milk. I love whole milk so much more than its slimmed-down substitutes.

I resisted the urge to step on the scale this evening. I don't want to check my weight until Wednesday morning. On Wednesday morning I'll be driving to upstate New York to spend Thanksgiving with my parents and brother and sister-in-law. I'm definitely going to eat as much as possible and I won't be as paranoid around my family because I feel at ease with them more so than I do with the folks I live with. My dad is overweight and doesn't care what he eats. I'll be honest, sometimes I worry about his health since he's approaching 60, but who am I to lecture him on dieting. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I'm attracted to chubby men is partly because my own father is chubby and I'm subconsciously trying to seek the love that I didn't feel from him when I was a boy. Is that introspective enough for you?

I'm feeling tired and I want to watch some of my YouTube subscriptions. I'll never see every gaining vid on YouTube but I can surely try. Peace.

I Want to Eat These and Post the Video to YouTube